Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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