Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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