It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
