Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
