One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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