He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if only i could text you this smell
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
