this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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