My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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