Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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