The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
