You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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