haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
