Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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