shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
