Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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