im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
