He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
