Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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