if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
