Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
