Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
