Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
