i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
