dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
