I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
