dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
