If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
