My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize