Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
