did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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