Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
