you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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