She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they're like a gay fantastic four
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize