When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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