FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
