you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
