My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
