there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize