she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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