oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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