i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
