The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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