Someone shit on the floor
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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