you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize