Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
