I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
