Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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