I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
