i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
