I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
