I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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