Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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