We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
