He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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