The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
