I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
