You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
