apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
